You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
