wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
