Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
