where am i from again
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My liver just had a heart attack.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
