My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
