the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
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