drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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