just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
