Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
