I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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