I wish I could punch you in the face.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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