Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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