You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
