ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
