YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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