Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
