he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
