We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
