Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
