Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
