It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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