Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize