I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize