I don't usually arrange sex via text message
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
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