no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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