So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
