I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize