I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize