just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
