Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
