Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
