I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
