im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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