The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This is my gift to your gina
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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