my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
