Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
