what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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