If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
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