Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
