So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
