So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
