As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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