Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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