Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
