I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
