Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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