Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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