Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
