you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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