what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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