apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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