shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
