why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
