Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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