threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
