Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Shame is for Republicans.
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