My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
