I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
