i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
