I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
