I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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