I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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