walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
