Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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