Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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