I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
