he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
