He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i was born a porn star she said
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
