never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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