You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
