No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
