I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
