Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
