Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
