just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
