The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Randomize
