areolas are like halos for boobs.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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